I was expecting a blue Nap Nanny that I had ordered a while back for Quilla. She seems to have reflux, and I thought this sort of baby recliner would be great for her so that she wouldn’t be flat on her back as often when napping. I got a really great deal on it too! I found it on Amazon for only 49.99! Normally, they go for $135 or more, so I was really pleased with my purchase.
I was also expecting a postpartum belly cincher contraption thingy that a nurse at the hospital where I had Quilla told me I should get because it would help me to get back my model figure by Christmas. Yay!
As I scrambled out into the dark I found 2 packages. The first one was definitely my new postpartum belly cincher contraption thingy. Skinny jeans, here I come! Yippy!
The second one was WAY too small to be the Nap Nanny, so I thought: “oh, how exciting! Something I forgot I ordered!” I love surprises.
I decided to open the small mysterious package first. Guess what it was? The Nap Nanny …. COVER!!!!! No! That’s why it was so cheap. I didn’t buy the Nap Nanny …. I bought the Nap Nanny COVER. Crap. I should’ve known that a “deal” like that was too good to be true!
The second package was, in fact, the postpartum belly cincher contraption thingy.
It was more like Spanx, or actually an extreme girdle, or skin tight, elastic & spandex, flesh colored Capri pants that both zipper and hook up the side for added control measure. HHHHmmmm ….. Now that I am six weeks post partum, the doctor has green-lighted me to resume adult “extracurricular” activities, but somehow I don’t think these granny panties are gonna do it for my patient husband. My goodness! Bridget Jones’ undergarments have nothing on this chastity-belt-inspired piece of equipment! Despite my horror, and with my size 4 little black Prada dress in mind, I started to struggle into the second skin material. I stood in front of the full-length mirror and laughed … and cried. Suddenly, I realized there was a breeze “down under”. Holly Moley! The granny panties are crotchless!
Maybe the postpartum belly cincher contraption thingy has some redeeming qualities after all!
Perhaps tonight I will ask my husband to keep lights off and to just call me “Spankie”.
No comments:
Post a Comment