Cry Kookaburra Cry

Like so may other Los Angelinos .... Californians ..... and Americans, 2011 has been a tough year for us. We've had less income, more bills, and have been fighting to save our home. We found out last year that the financial institution that we paid our mortgage to was one of the banks that paid the billion dollar (?!) penalty to the government in order to not have to participate in the "making homes affordable" program. Re modifying our loan was never an option for us. After so many months of fighting for something that has depreciated in value so much that it's not worth the energy (more than half!), we finally decided that the smartest thing to do was to give up, and to start over. I think it was the toughest decision my husband and I have ever had to make.

I debated long and hard as to whether or not I would even write this blog as it is so personal and fragile an issue, but then I thought: This is life. This is the real deal. This is the thing one SHOULD write about. 

So .... we are moving to Texas... in less than a month.

Since Quilla was born, I have never felt the need to be near family as greatly as I have in the last year on a daily basis. My husband's family is in Texas. It will be good for Quilla to be surrounded by so many loving relatives, and I am looking forward to getting to know them better.
In my life I have lived in so many places in the world without knowing much about it, a single soul, or sometimes even the language when I arrived there, and always found my way .... I hope that skill resurfaces! I am sure Texas will be wonderful, but a bit of an adjustment for this New York City girl who still considers Los Angeles to be an over-grown suburb ...  Ha!
But I can't think about that now. I must pack.

I must pack away our home of the last 5 years ... the first home we bought just before we got married, the house where Raven carried me over the threshold, the home where we buried my first dog, the home where Quilla was conceived, the home I brought her home to just after her birth, the home where she took her first steps, the home where we just hosted her first birthday party surrounded by all the wonderful friends we've made over the years since we moved to Los Angeles from NYC...

32 boxes later, I have now finally finished packing up the kitchen. As I wiped down the counter tops,  shelves and stove,  The Australian Lullaby: "Kookaburra" gently drifted from Quilla's iPod in the living room where she was playing.

"Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail 

Gets a boo-boo in his tail 

Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra! 

Oh how life can be" 

With great nostalgia, I realized that Quilla's birthday cake was the last thing I will/would have ever baked in this kitchen.

I sat down in a pile of bubble wrap .... and cried.

Finding your inner voice...and NOT using it!

We all know what it's like to have our kid's favorite songs or songs from a favorite TV show suck in our heads. I can't tell you how many nights I'm trying to fall asleep or write an email and the theme from Bubble Guppies or Fresh Beat Band pops into my head. Before I know it, I'm belting out preschool songs at the copy machine in the hall at work. I've given up trying to hide the dialog that is constantly playing in my head throughout the day. I sing songs in odd places and times, have full conversations with myself about what to make for dinner or if I switched the wash. Sometimes I even talk in funny voices at the most inappropriate times ... like today.

I'm in the middle of an exhausting 2 weeks of school working towards my MFA in design/illustration. My schedule since last Sunday has been up at 5am, drive 1.5 hours to my university, participate in rigorous art classes until 5pm, drive 1.5 hrs to work to catch up on things, then home, spend an hour with my kids and then work on homework until I'm too tired to see straight. It's no wonder my brain is so fried!

A perfect example of the constant inner dialog happening with the combination of being overstretched and tired happened today in one of my studio classes. A brilliant and well known artist who happens to be from the UK is teaching this particular studio. He's older and very distinguished...and very British. As he was coming around to inspect my work, he greeted me with a "hello" that was so British that it could have come from an episode of Kipper The Dog. I turned to him very abruptly and responded with an even bigger, longer and oh so British..."HELLO" (Mrs. Doubtfire style)! I realized immediately what I had done and went on describing my work very seriously trying to play off my incredibly offensive display. He left the room a few moments later and I could feel every eye in the studio on me. I looked up sheepishly trying not to laugh and said "it was an accident". My classmates exploded with laughter for a good 10 minutes.

I couldn't help myself! It came out without even thinking! As I said, I'm always doing funny voices with my kids, but this was not the time for that inner voice to creep out! I only hope that I didn't offend this person and that I can keep that voice hidden for a few more days. I'm fulling blaming my kids for this one! Haha!

Getting My Mojo Back

shoot for a Maxim calender ... pre-pregnancy

Pregnancy  takes a toll on a women's body.
My "toll" was the addition of approximately 80 pounds of baby weight over the last two years.
A couple years ago my husband and I decided to start a family. After so many years of modeling and depriving myself of any culinary indulgences, I traded in the master cleanser diet for healthy well- balanced diet of 6 small meals a day, and a good prenatal vitamin. I slowly gained about 20lbs of healthy weight over the course of a year or so, and on our 2nd anniversary in August 2009 I got pregnant.   I continued following a strict diet of only the best organic and healthy meals I could provide for my unborn child's nutrition, and continued to gain about 1 pound a week with the pregnancy.
In October I miscarried. I was devastated.  At this point I was 30 pounds heavier than I'd ever been in my life, and very depressed.  Additionally, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis which can sometimes occur after pregnancy. While my doctor was finding the correct dosage of synthetic hormone to balance my now hypo-thyroid, I gained another 10 pounds of, well, lets just call it "comfort food" weight.  Once my thyroid was stabilized and after plenty of tests and visits to a new OBGYN to insure the best chances for a better outcome, we decided to try again on December 27, 2009 and were successful!  However, I was already 40 lbs heavier than I had ever been when Quilla was conceived.  I stuck to a very strict and healthy diet throughout my pregnancy and gained a total of 43 pounds by the time my daughter was born in late September 2010.  Of course some of the weight was my baby and all the other stuff floating around with her in her bubble in my belly for 42 weeks. So, that weight came off (or out!) the day she was born, but the rest of it was mine to loose.

8 months postpartum

Since pregnancy I have slowly lost a total of 43 pounds.  The last ten of those pounds I lost in the last 2 weeks.  I have begun a healthy diet and exercise program, and I am loosing about 3 - 4 pounds a week.  I have heard that breast feeding helps you loose weight, but this was not the case for me or I would look as thin as Kate Moss during the heroin-chic phase of the 90's by now with the amount of breastmilk my sweet little girl consumes.
Now that Quilla is 9 months old and eating some solid food I finally felt confident enough that  starting a diet would not impede on her nutrition. I was so afraid that dieting would affect my milk supply, but it doesn't seem to be a problem at all!   In fact, I pumped a 6 ounce bottle of boobie milk in about 4 minutes for Quilla to enjoy on the way to Mommy & Me Yoga this morning!
Yup, the factory is still in tact.
The factory is in tact, and apparently so is my mojo!  On the 1.5 mile walk to Mommy & Me yoga this morning, I got hit on from Vine to Highland Avenue!  My walk was full of smiles, sideward glances, whistles and cat-calls.  This sort of behavior and attention used to really piss me off and annoy me a few years ago .... but today it made my day.
So, I still have another 40 pounds to loose before I am back down to what I consider an acceptable weight.  ... and yes, I realize that my idea of acceptable weight is slightly askew from years in the fashion industry, but I will strive for it anyway.  I will accomplish my quest just in time to get pregnant again and start the whole process over again. Oh well.  For now, bring on the whistles, cat-calls and inappropriate compliments.  I will revel in it while it lasts!

Milk Drunk

As I sat quietly nursing & rocking Quilla to sleep in the moonlit nursery this evening I received the funniest text from one of my closest girlfriends who happens to work just down the street from our home.

K: "I'm about to head over." 
     "Can't wait for that sweet nectar."  
     "Mother's Milk."

Me:  "??? - lol!"

K:  "ha ha ha - oops - that was for Megan.  Mothers Milk = Glass of wine."

Me: "I figured! hahahahahaha!"

K:  "Ha ha ha- of all the people to accidentally send that to ... you actually HAVE Mother's Milk."

Me:  "I know ... so it was 10 times as funny!"

K:  "sick."

Me: "hahhahahahahahahahaha!"

K:  "hahahahahahahahaha!"

Me:  "still LMBO."   
        " Long day? lol.  Omg ... probably the single funniest text I've ever accidentally got."

K:   "Ha ha - LOVE it."

Me:  "tell Megan I say hello."

K:  "I will!"

Poop vs. Poop

People will tell you that baby poop smells sweet and doesn't stink.
It stinks.

It stinks and it's messy because a baby who is on a liquid diet of breast milk for the first 6 months or so of his/her life has liquid poo.  Furthermore, it doesn't matter how talented you are at diapering: Liquid poo has the uncanny ability to leak, squirt or explode out of a diaper no matter which brand of disposable or reusable/cloth diapers you use. Of course these explosions will mostly happen when you are in public on the one day you are without a change of cloths in the diaper bag you are carrying for your bundle of joy.  This is an inevitable fact.
Another inevitable fact is that one fine day you will miss that stinky runny poop, because there is something that smells worse: real poop.  I realized today that the reason people tell you that baby poop doesn't stink is because it doesn't smell even remotely as grotesque as the poop that comes from your baby's cute little tooshie once he/she has started eating baby food.  OMG- it is vile!  It does, however, stay (easily) contained in the diaper as it is a more solid consistency.  I must say that I am ever so pleased that this new super duper stink poo cannot be expected to occasionally present itself up my daughters back, in her arm pit or behind her ear.
So, I guess there are pro and cons to both kinds of poopie, but don't ever let anyone tell you that baby poop doesn't stink - cause that's just a load of crap. 

The Mommy Groupie

In high school I was homecoming princess and prom queen.  I'm not sure exactly why or how that happened.  I don't think I was really very popular, and while I was friendly with everyone (jocks, nerds, rockers, preps, etc), I didn't have many real friends.  At my graduation while most kids were hugging each other and bidding one another tearful goodbyes, I was happy to begin the next chapter of my life without hesitation or looking back.  It's not that I hated school or anything.  I just didn't have a sense of belonging there or any serious attachments.  I was never a part or any "click" and never really understood them.
However .... er um ...
Now that I'm a Mom, I totally want in on the "mommy click"!  It's weird.  I have friends.  I have some great friends.  But I NEED "Mommy friends".  I need Mommy friends who live close by and have babies the same age as Quilla.  I guess I'm not the first Mom who has ever felt this way or there wouldn't be so many "Mommy and Me" organizations profiting off of this desperate need for us to associate with others who have also survived 9 months of carrying around a watermelon in her belly.  I am totally envious of the Moms sitting together at the park enjoying their lattes as their little ones eat sand together.  I need to find me a pal or two like that! .... for Quilla's sake.  *sigh*
So, I have officially become a Mommy groupie.  I'm scoping out the diaper isle at Target and attending Mommy & Me Yoga classes with the sheer intention of hooking up.  It's not so different from dating. I try to be creative thinking up casual ways to strike up a conversation about stroller preferences with another woman who looks cool and is more or less the same age as myself who has a  baby who looks more or less Quilla's age just so I can bait her long enough to pop the question:
"Hey, wanna have a play date?"  
It's a little nerve wracking.  I mean,  a girl's gotta be proactive, but I don't want to come on too strong or sound too needy ...  and once a Mommy text's you her number, how long should you wait before returning her text and scheduling the coffee/play date?  Well, I'm not exactly sure of the etiquette, but if your a Mom who is quietly debating the pro's and con's of Medela verses Lansinoh breast pads in isle 7 at Walgreens - just be nice to that other Mommy in the isle who quickly flashes you a Cheshire Cat smile the second you look in her direction cause she's probably not half a s creepy as she looks.  OK?

Please donate to Diapees -N- Wipees 4 Japan!

5 Stinky Moms is conducting a diaper drive (nappies and wipes) for disaster relief in Japan. 


The reports of the disaster in Japan are devastating. There are so many things that are needed to help those who have survived. We are trying to do our part and contribute what we can to help. For $10 you could help to keep a child in need in clean dry diapers for a week.  100% of your donation to Diapees -N- Wipees 4  Japan will go towards diapers and wipes to be acquired and distributed by the Salvation Army.
Please donate by clicking the donate button on the top of or homepage to help provide babies in Japan with this basic necessity as there is a great shortage.  Thank you!

Paint it Black

What baby merchandise mogul was it that "invented" baby colors, anyway?  Why is it that we dress and decorate our baby's bedrooms in lovely pale hues that are destined to become stained and ruined?  Babies actually prefer bright colors, and newborns are stimulated by mostly black and red, so why is it that I am spending butt loads of money on stain removers to keep my baby's whites white?  Today I washed the seat cover of my daughters highchair, ergo baby, floor blanket to the rainforest gym, seat cover to her swing, seat cover to her jumperoo, sun visor of her stroller,  and a load of clothing containing the two outfits that fell victim today to fruit and poop.  I spent most of my day treating stains while I am wearing dirty cloths since I have nothing clean to wear because I am so backed up with the laundry as I am having to constantly push another load of baby clothes through the wash!
If it was all black my life would be so much simpler.
sigh

Help 4 Babies, Children and Pregnant/Nursing Mothers in Japan

5 Stinky Moms is now conducting a "Diapies-N-Wipies 4 Japan" drive for those who are interested in  donating funds specifically towards diapers and other supplies for babies, children and nursing/pregnant mothers in Japan.   Please help us in our quest by clicking the donate button on our page above.  

Here are some additional resources for those who want to help:

• Organization for International Cooperation on Family Planning (JOICFP) and the Japanese Midwives’ Association together with local doctors are helping breast-feeding mothers by providing them with privacy and their babies with diapers and other products. They are offering counseling to women under high stress. To donate please follow the link below:

http://www.oxfam.org/en/pressroom/pressrelease/2011-03-15/tsunami-appeal-oxfam-japan-fund-two-partners-helping-mothers-and-b

• The U.S. Fund for UNICEF (USF) is raising funds to help children in Japan impacted by the recent earthquake and tsunami.  Due to the unprecedented nature of the epic disaster and its impact on children, resources are going to be critical in helping provide for the very unique needs of children.  These may include health, development and protection and other needs that may have been compromised or disrupted in the wake of catastrophe. 

To donate please follow the link below:

https://secure.unicefusa.org/site/Donation2?df_id=9640&9640.donation=form1

• Donate to Save the Children by calling 1-800-728-3843. Or Text “JAPAN" to 20222 to donate $10. Or online http://www.savethechildren.org/site/c.8rKLIXMGIpI4E/b.6621121/k.3D08/Japan_Earthquake_Tsunami_Relief.htm

• Donate to American Red Cross

Text REDCROSS to 90999 to Give $10 or online

http://www.redcross.org/

If you can read Japanese, you can donate directly to Japan Red Cross

http://www.jrc.or.jp/contribution/l3/Vcms3_00002069.html

• Mercy Corps is working to help survivors of Japan's earthquake and tsunami with Peace Winds. Peace Winds continues to deliver emergency supplies -- including tents, blankets, instant rice and other foodstuffs -- to families evacuated from homes in the tsunami-devastated city of Kesennuma.  To donate please follow this link : https://www.mercycorps.org/donate/japan?source=55400&gclid=CO6qmJb91acCFQcBbAodFRzW9g

• World Care has teamed up with Walgreens.  By following the link below you can not only donate, but you can specify howyou prefer the donation to be spent. https://www.networkforgood.org/donation/MakeDonation.aspx?ORGID2=86-0830973&source=GS&cmpgn=DNT&vlrStratCode=UMurV8uNyebU80Ql7khVqV0vqwvlASLHXNXn5X9EXagbCO%2b%2bmL5vjU%2bTodB%2bjmq7
• A Salvation Arm team is in the Mito area and have unloaded bottles of water, biscuits, blankets, nappies (diapers) and tissue boxes for distribution to evacuees. If you’d like to support The Salvation Army’s Japan relief efforts, you can do so in the following ways:

• Donate online at donate.salvationarmyusa.org
• Call 1-800-SAL-ARMY
• Text the words “Japan” or “Quake” to 80888 to make a $10 donation. (Please ensure that you respond “YES” to the Thank You message you receive.)
• By mail: Send your check, marked “Japan earthquake relief” to

The Salvation Army World Service Office
International Relief Fund
PO Box 630728
Baltimore, MD 21263-0728

Train Wreck at Trader Joe's

In the last year, a new Trader Joe's opened just 3 blocks from my home.  Since it's so close, if I don't have an enormous grocery list I just put Quilla in the stroller and walk there.  Most of the groceries will fit in the compartment underneath her seat and the remaining bags (if any) I just strap onto the stroller handles.  It's nice to walk instead of drive!  Living in L.A., I spend entirely too much time in the car.  Quilla loves to go for walks in the stroller, so I walk instead of drive to run my daily errands more often than not these days.

Today it was a super short grocery list so I hooked her favorite toys on the Orbit and off we went! When we got there I attached small shopping basket to the handles and then put the sunshade down and sat her seat more upright so she could see better.  She is such a little socialite and people watcher!  Whenever I am shopping she just giggles and chats away in her own language to anyone who will listen.
Today's tour of Trader Joe's was pretty short and sweet.  I was headed to the cashier when I realized I had forgotten flour, so I bagged a U-turn and headed back down the isle.  Quilla giggled at me as I made a funny face at her just before I turned and bent down to get a bag of organic unbleached flour from the bottom shelf. As if in slow motion, all of the sudden her stroller started to topple over forward! I lunged sideways toward her, but not fast enough as it hovered on 2 wheels in the air just centimeters from my finger tips. I screamed ... I must have because another gentleman tried to catch the stroller from the side angle.  Neither of us were successful.  There she was, my darling 5 month old baby, hovering airplane style in her 5-point harness while staring at my toes smiling. After I picked my heart up off the concrete floor and shoved it back down my throat and into my chest cavity, I quickly (and carefully) pulled the stroller back up and tried to wipe the look of sheer horror off my face before Quilla saw and realized this "ride" was not an intentional ploy to amuse her.  She continued to laugh and squeal with delight as I brushed myself off and made flour footprints all the way to the register.  I was still shaking as I paid for the groceries, and carefully stowed them underneath of Quilla's stroller for the walk home.  Luckily, all the groceries fit in the underneath compartment because that is the last time I will EVER put anything on the handles of her stroller again.  I'm so thankful that she was not hurt.  Maybe next time we go grocery shopping I will wear her in the Ergo Baby instead.  Whew!

To hell and back- chapter one

I haven't written in a while as I have been suffering from post traumatic symptoms from our family holiday excursion to Texas in December and January.  I have not allowed myself to write anything new until I documented the ridiculous tale that I am about to tell. I wish I had blogged along the way, but as you read you will begin to understand why I simply could not.  I  plan to tell the story in "chapters" as I am able.
I will warn you - this will not be short and sweet, so turn your phone off and grab a glass ... no, make that a bottle of wine ...

Raven, Me & Christine

My husband has a nasty little habit of buying old "cool" vintage cars that he can tinker on (for years) and then "flip" for almost the amount of money he dumps into them. It's a smelly, dirty, and expensive little habit.  The first time he dabbled in this addiction was two weeks before our wedding.  Regardless of my protests, he drove a beastly '69 Plymouth Barracuda into our driveway and behind our new house.  I nearly called off the wedding.  Somehow, in my gut, I KNEW this was only the beginning of the suffering I would need to gracefully endure.  For three long years he spent his weekends and any other spare time he had with the heap of junk I came to refer to as "Christine".  Christine left her stench all over him all the time.  She also claimed nearly his entire wardrobe.  During this time he repainted her and re built her engine so many times I lost count.  First he built it so she could run on water, then on propane, then a hybrid combination that could switch back to gasoline on demand.  On paper this sound fascinating .... and my husband is somewhat of a mechanical genius, but it's just not exciting anymore when it always smells like your sleeping on the floor of a gas station.... with the pump wrapped around you.
Finally, one joyous day, he sold Christine.

The Dart  AKA the Bat mobile

.... and then he bought the Dart.
1967 Dodge Dart.
Actually, he didn't "buy it".  He did a side job - some custom work on an acquaintance's car.  The client couldn't pay cash, so he gave Raven a car.  Raven promised me that this would not be a new project and that he would sell it right away
... a year ago.

Whether it's hormonal, or just mental survival, being pregnant and then being a new Mom has given me new found peace, tolerance and patience.  I seem to have a sense of calm about things that normally would/should send a normal person in good health into coronary failure, stroke, or cause a sudden onslaught of manic depressive behavior.  I mean, I didn't even inflict any bodily harm on my husband when he was explaining in detail the nature of the last surgery he performed on the Dart to my night nurse while I was in labor.

In the days leading up to Christmas, my husband was completely swamped with a last minute production he was working on. His client had requested a "shabby chic" motor home circa 1985 for the photo shoot they were planning to commiserate late January 2011.  Raven found one exactly like what the client hoped for

our Christmas Chariot

... and bought it.  Yup, Merry Christmas to me.  He bought it.

As the love of my life was consumed with cleaning up & tuning up his latest (slightly more shabby than chic) automotive purchase, I was busy (in denial) Christmas shopping and making plans for our baby's first Christmas and other hair-brained tasks like rearranging our entire house to be more "family friendly".  I guess this is why neither of us (my husband or I) realized that on Christmas Eve we still did not have the airline tickets for our family holiday trip to Texas.  I assumed Raven was handling it .... since we were visiting his family, and Raven assumed I was taking care of it .... cause I am the "family organizer".  Need less to say, on Christmas Eve he asked me "can you please find tickets for us? -I looked on line last night, but  they are very expensive."
???!!!

Quilla meets Santa

... two last minute tickets -  half way across the country ... on Christmas .... of course the rates would be through the roof!
Annoyed as I was, I still felt bad.  I know how important the trip to Texas for the holiday was to Raven, and I had also been excited to introduce Quilla to her Daddy's family.  SO, in a moment of utter insanity, when Raven came through the door saturated in the smell of oil and transmission fluid at 10pm on Christmas Eve, I told him that I would consider a "family road trip" in the RV to Texas. He excitedly took my hand to lead me on the tour of what would be our home on wheels for our new family's first Christmas.  I admitted to him that it looked better than I had expected.
mistake # 2: I should have waited to "inspect" the vehicle in the daylight.
We decided that our plan would be to sleep in and have a somewhat normal Christmas morning of breakfast & gifts before we planned to get on the road around "noonish".

Our first Christmas morning with Quilla was great!  We enjoyed steak & eggs for breakfast while Quilla enjoyed crinkling the discarded red wrapping paper.   I'm sure she will appreciate the whole fan fare a bit more as she gets older, but having her sitting with us in front of the tree made it the best Christmas ever in my book.  After breakfast Raven headed out to the RV to do some last minute bits of cleaning and tweeking. While he was busy making the RV more "Mommy & Quilla friendly", I busied myself with packing for our "adventure".  I called my family back east to wish them a Merry Christmas and inform them of our travel plans.  Each and every one of them responded "OK" in a tone that suggested they assumed I had had one too many eggnogs with my Christmas breakfast.
Around 4pm I was finally packed and ready to go.  Around 6pm Raven told me he needed 2 more hours.  AT 8pm it started to pour rain (of course!) as we began to load up the motor home for the trip.  At 10 pm we were finally on the road.
As we pulled onto the highway, every molecule of my body protested as my gut told me this was a BAD idea.  The RV began to shake and rattle something fierce as doors and cabinets slammed open and shut.  The the windows clanged loudly like an old haunted house.  Quilla began to cry and I nursed her on the sofa-bed to sooth & calm her. I was white knuckled and terrified before we even got up to 50mph.  It sounded like the RV was coming apart screw by screw.  Raven pulled over at the first exit to "secure" everything and assure me that this was going to be a great trip.
.... and so began our adventure.

.... to be continued.

Blueberry Trumps Boobie

Well, not the way I had expected or planned, but Quilla has tasted real food for the first time.  


Poor little girl is teething like crazy!  She was so fussy. She wanted to nurse more to comfort herself, but then would cry as soon as she latched on. She would stick her hands, fingers, or teether in her mouth for comfort  to find that the additional pressure would only cause more pain.  I put an amber necklace on her and gave her homeopathic drops, but they didn't seems to help when the pain appeared to increase.  So, I broke down and gave her children's Tylenol to take the edge off, but it still didn't seem to help. I gave her a cold wet washcloth to suck/chew on, and she seemed to like that ... for about a minute. 
I HATE to see her in pain.  

She is 5 months old now, and at her last check up the doctor said I could start her on some fruit and veggie purees when I felt comfortable.  I had planned to wait until she was at least 7 months to start experimenting with food with her as I have read that it's better to wait to avoid food allergies and to allow her digestive system to further mature. However, as big crocodile tears poured down my inconsolable child's face, I quickly stuffed frozen blueberries into a Munchkin Fresh Food Feeder to let her chew on.  It worked!  We completely trashed her white pajamas with the blue juice we were both covered in by the time she finished, but it worked!
 Honestly, I probably would have given her frozen caviar if I thought it would have helped! 
sigh
I still don't plan to "officially" start her on solid food yet.  She is 28 inches long and 19 lbs. at only 22 weeks, so I hardly think she "needs" any additional or supplemental nutrition.  Clearly, she is not starving on a diet of only breast milk.  However, I have a fresh supply of frozen blueberries and also frozen bananas (more jammie friendly) on hand for that mesh teether for the next time she starts to fuss on the boobie!

My Happy Hour

Yesterday was one of those days. You know, the ones that drive you to open a new bottle of wine because you are not sure if the third of a bottle left in the fridge will be enough. Here is how the day went. Breakfast: dumped on the ground. Diaper change: tantrum. Tooth brushing: EPIC tantrum. Snack at the store: thrown on the ground. Sandwich at the store: thrown on the ground. Bus toy: ground. Revisit of sandwich in the car: Avante-garde almond butter sculpture (which I was instructed to hold while driving).

Sigh. No wait SIGH. You win Luke, I lose. By the way, hats off on the tooth brushing stand off. Who knew that you could entertain yourself sitting in a chair with no toys for over an hour just to avoid brushing your teeth? Impressive, very impressive. Next time I will be sure to bring a book.

It always seems as though he has a day like this right before a big transition. He was very cranky right before he started crawling and right before he started walking. This time the transition appears to be to a toddler bed. I figured this out when I went in to get him from his nap to find him sitting in the recliner happily reading a book. “Climb out of crib”, he said. Yay. So, we transitioned his crib in to a toddler bed. Hopefully he will revel in his victory long enough to give me a reprieve on the annoying behavior but I’m skeptical. This morning he woke up half an hour early, not a good start. My solution tonight will be to start drinking half an hour early. The wine starts flowing tonight at 8, who’s joining me?

Ya win some - ya loose some

I have discovered Dunstan Baby Language and it has made such an overnight enormous difference!  Honestly, I think that all hospitals should hand out a copy of this DVD right along with the visit from the lactation consultant  as it is equally as important! The DVD "decodes" your baby's crys into 5 words.  I thought I really knew my daughters different cries, but it turns out that I was off on two of them.  Apparently, I've been feeding her when she was actually "telling" me she needs a good fart!!!! Then I was feeding her on top of an already aggravated tummy with a gas bubble and wondering why she was still fussy.  Way to go, Mom!  I also thought she had gas when she was telling me she was tired, so I was wearing the poor kid out with a whole lotta burping, when all she wanted was a nap!

The five words (crys) are:
hungry = nah/neh/nay ... or any cry with the "n" sound  (Quilla says Neh-GEE!)
tired = owh/aaw  (sounds a little like "ouch" or "owl")
burp me = eh
tummy ache/need to pass gas = (air)
uncomfortable (need to be held differently, too hot/cold, need diaper change) = heh (or any cry with "H" sound)

If you are a new Mom ... you MUST watch this DVD!  It's amazing.  The DVD has many examples of other babies making each cry/word so that you know what exactly what to listen for.  It also offers great solutions for each problem your baby my have.
Since I watched it, Quill has been spitting up a lot less because I'm getting the gas bubbles out of her (on her cue) before I feed her again.  It's nice to not wear quite so much baby barf the last couple days! I  feel that my daughter is happier in general as her needs are being met almost immediately now.  She is also waking up less (once!) in the night because she doesn't need anything except to be fed and a diaper change.
Last night I was so proud as I tucked my smiling baby back into bed after her 3/4am feed.  I decided to go into the kitchen a get a glass of water before tucking myself back in bed.  I was thinking how nice it is to get to go back to sleep so quickly .... when ....
I stepped in something warm, wet & squishy.
aaaaaaahhhh!  gross!
She nursed, burped, and went back to sleep.  She didn't barf up any milk this time ...... what could this be???
Dog Barf.

A couple days ago, instead of going to the pet store I normally go to for dog food, I ran over to Rite Aid (which is closer) and just picked up some other brand of food.  I wanted to get home to watch the new Dunstan Baby Language DVD!!!  Well, it seems I've solved my daughters tummy troubles, but created a new one for my little doggie!  Poor thing!  Guess I better stop blogging and get over to the pet store when Quilla wakes up to get some better dog food!
.... and just when I thought it was safe to go barefoot! geeeeeeez!

Parkathon

If you don’t give your kids something to do, they will find something to do and it will annoy you. I realize that Alex is always better if we leave the house by 9:30 am and the house stays clean if we stay out of it. So in order to stay sane while I was pregnant we started this thing I call “Parkathon”. We get up in the morning, get dressed, pack a whole lot of food and drinks and go to the parks. We became regulars at these parks, going around the same time. We’d meet Mom’s and kids, make some friends. It’s awesome. I highly recommend Parkathon to anyone with small kids. We go to a park at 10am where the day care kids play. We play, get bored, eat something, get in the car, change diapers and go to the next park. The next park has a bathroom and a whole bunch of stay at home moms with kids. We play, get bored, eat something, feed half the kids there, and go to the next park. We stop at McDonalds (I know it’s bad) to get a happy meal and we go to the next park. This park has the older kids with the stay at home moms (you can learn a lot from them). We eat the happy meal, play, usually have some sort of incident, and then head off to the final park. This park has a bathroom and horses! We change diapers, eat a snack, visit horses, play, and this is usually around the time that Alex will lay down in the middle of the play ground, drooling, panting, red faced, and begging to go home and take a nap. I’m usually able to get him to sleep for 3 hours while I have some “me time”.

Hell hath no fury like a 2 year old

I love my son. He's doing a great job at being two, but the screaming, the biting, the tantrums, the time outs ... and I'm just talking about me here. Seriously, 2 is really hard. I keep consoling myself with the thought that not all of my parenting will be contained in just one year. I get 18 years to raise him. It's just so hard. I read everything I can get my hands on. I take classes. I consult friends/family, and I pray often. It's got to be the most challenging, humiliating, humbling, and exacerbating experience of my life. Half the time I feel like I'm going nuts, and the other half I'm so proud. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, and then I wonder if there is something wrong with him. I love my astrology book- I looked up his sign ... it recommended getting a super strong playpen when he was born and then staying inside it until he was three. We had to go to the emergency room one night because he had a tantrum and wacked his head on his bed frame. He hit his head so hard - he had a bump, he threw up, he was tired, SO off we went to the ER. The doctor was hugely sympathetic. She put her arm around me and asked me if I was ok.
I sobbed.
She said "they are absolutely demonic sometimes." She assured me it was normal, and that I was a good mom.
I hope she wasn't lying.

The Morning After

I have 3 grades of coffee. Chai tea for the days "I'm quitting Caffeine" (the box has dust on it). Regular on sale coffee for most days and Starbucks eye opener blend for the OMG I haven't slept I feel psychotic mornings. Everyone should call their parents and thank them for giving them life and having the tenacity for keeping them alive...

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate .... that IS the question.

Quilla - 10 wks

The subject of vaccinations has become one of the most controversial issues for new parents.  It seems that nearly all pediatricians are great supporters of vaccines.  I found this out the hard way.  Just before Quilla was born I started seeking out a pediatrician.  My husband and I were escorted to the door in the middle of an interview with a doctor when we expressed our "being on the fence" about vaccinations.  HMMPH!!!

I believe the decision to vaccinate or not is one that should not be taken lightly whether you choose to vaccinate your child or not.  If you choose not to vaccinate, I would encourage some homeopathic prevention as opposed to doing nothing.

Today I finished reading "The Parents' Concise Guide to Childhood Vaccinations."  I would highly recommend this as  required reading for any new parent!  It was extremely informative and offered unbiased thorough explanations of the vaccines, the diseases they are meant to prevent, symptoms & complications of the diseases, treatments for the diseases, and the risks & side effects (if any) of the vaccines.  The book is short, sweet and to the point.  I read it in just two days, which says something considering my lack of personal downtime lately.
I learned some interesting details - like the fact that Quilla is immune to measles  for her first year of life because I had them as a child and would have passed my immunity to her while she was in utero.
hhmmmm .... very interesting.

Here are some links to some other literature I found very informative regarding vaccinations:
http://www.vaccinationcouncil.org/2011/02/06/a-few-things-i-know/

http://www.vaccinationnews.com/Books/Adverse_Reactions/Personal_Stories/personal_stories_of_vaccine_inju.htm

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/downloads/appendices/B/excipient-table-2.pdf

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/downloads/appendices/G/cases&deaths.pdf

http://www.vaclib.org/basic/unvaxhealth.htm

http://newswithviews.com/Renee/tocco101.htm

http://www.infowars.com/voluminous-research-proves-vaccines-are-deadly/

http://apps.who.int/immunization_monitoring/en/globalsummary/timeseries/tsincidencepol.htm

http://www.harpub.co.cc/

http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/eid/vol6no5/pdf/srugo.pdf

http://www.naturalnews.com/022389.htmlhttp://www.newswithviews.com/Tenpenny/sherri128.htm

http://childhealthsafety.wordpress.com/2009/03/21/autism-rates-rocket/

http://childhealthsafety.wordpress.com/2009/07/06/gardasil-victims/

http://www.rense.com/general87/retired.htm

http://www.modernalternativemama.com/blog/2011/3/14/myths-about-non-vaccinating-parents.html

http://drtenpenny.com/default.aspx

http://www.ageofautism.com/2009/02/managing-editors-note-below-is-the-story-of-iam-gromowski-a-boy-who-lived-47-days-after-his-hepatitis-b-vaccination-thank.html

http://www.wiseupjournal.com/?p=937

From the land of milk... and what is that ... that is NOT honey!

I was taking a bath to calm my nerves and doctor my body. My little dog, Belly, sat by me and she looked extra forlorn. I patted her precious head and talked to her about nothing. I laughed to myself because her “tatas” were huge- much bigger than normal. She has been eating a lot of table food lately I mused. I reached out to pinch one to tease her about how fat she was getting, and milk squirted out! Not a little bit, a lot! She’s lactating! She’s got enough to feed a litter! How can this be? She’s not pregnant. She’s never been pregnant ... she doesn’t have cancer ... how can this be?
I hopped out of my bath, got dressed and paced the house. What do I do, who do I call, and what do I tell them? Should we go to the vet? My vet is almost an hour away; is it worth loading up the kids? How much will this cost? ugh… I checked her at least 2 more times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming this up. The kids were quiet enough, so I looked it up. I found out she had a false pregnancy and she was lactating. I had to check her for a fever and keep on eye on her to make sure she didn’t get mastitis. Ok, I can do this. After a few days she/they got bigger and hotter. If she could have talked I’m sure she would have said “Mommy, I will be there for you through thick and thin and I’ll even feed the little ones if you’d just give me a chance.” LOL! It looked painful. I tried ice. I tried hot baths. I considered a breast pump. I mused about lending her to a rescue with a litter in need. She was so uncomfortable. She lay on the couch, not moving, panting, dripping, and miserable. She still didn’t have a fever, but I couldn’t leave my best girl hanging. 
I did what had to be done.
She’s ok now. Milk dried up, no worse for the wear, and we are closer than ever!

Grilled Cheese

Today I discovered a half-eaten grilled cheese in my backseat. It wasn’t alone either, it had friends. Dried cranberries, animal crackers, freeze-dried strawberries, a sippy cup full of milk....it was like a buffet. In fact, if you enjoy day old milk and grilled cheese, it might have made a delightful little meal.

Last week my husband got in to my car and said, “I really think that we should try to set a good example for Luke and keep our cars clean.” I had some choice words. In his defense, he was admitting to his car being dirty as well. Is it Luke’s fault? I don’t think so. He is ushered around in my car 80% of the time yet Brian’s is equally as messy (albeit minus the grilled cheese). So who’s fault is this? Time - a parent’s worst enemy.

Could I have used the time spent typing this to clean out my car? Of course I could, but that really narrows the chances that the grilled cheese is going to grow a moldy face of Jesus. If that doesn’t happen then how am I going to sell it on eBay for enough money to buy a new car? Clearly that would be counterproductive. Plus, by leaving it in there I am setting a very important example for Luke - dream big kid!

You made your bed - now lay in it!

Someone once told to me "you should always make your bed cause it sets the tone for the day".
I wish I had heeded that advise today!!!

Last night my tiny 10 week old slept 6 1/2 hours!  Yippy!  I felt like a new woman!
Like a total junky, I was hooked on the feeling of energy, clarity and the momentary lack of my ever present dark circles under my eyes.  So, I got greedy.  When it came time for Quilla's nap, I decided to crawl back into our still unmade bed, nurse her, and snuggle up with her for a little nap myself!  SO eager was I to steal another 20 winks that I didn't realize that this was not "the nap".  This was Quilla's "prelude to a nap".   She nursed and then looked up at me with her hypnotising eyes and started cooing and laughing.  I joined in the game.  Then she started grunting pretty loudly, and we both laughed about it.  I find it absolutely hilarious to see a 13 pound bouncing baby get so serious about the effort put into filling up a diaper.  I am not, however, quite so tickled when the diaper in question has exploded all over my powder blue Egyptian cotton sheets!  It was like someone had emptied the contents of a jar of Grey Poupon  into my bed.  Then, to add insult to injury, as I scooped her up to head for the shower, she barfed  all over me and the silk duvet.

Freshly hosed off, she now sleeps peacefully in her swing where she normally takes her late morning nap.  Meanwhile, I'll be the well-rested Mommy kicking herself by the washing machine.

Amanda The Builder

When I got pregnant with Luke, I knew my interests were going to change. I knew that Grey Goose vs. Ketel One would be replaced with Huggies vs. Pampers, "should I go for a run?" would be replaced with "should I take a nap?", and poop would become very important. What I didn't see coming was the transformation from "beautiful painting is it Pissarro or Cezanne?" to "cool truck, is it a front hoe loader or a bulldozer?"

I wouldn't say I'm a girly girl, I played rough when I was little, partied my way through college, and have spent lots of time in my garden up to my elbows in dirt, but trucks? I'm starting from scratch with that one. However, what I lack in truck knowledge, I definitely make up for in truck enthusiasm. "Look Luke, look at that truck!!! (exaggeratedly pointing) Do you see it??? (jumping up and down) Look at the crane, it goes up and down, up and down, up and down!!!!" Oh. Man. It's not just trucks either, it's all of Luke's current obsessions, snowmen, Christmas lights, drums... And this weekend when we happened upon a Christmas parade in Palm Springs with trucks(!), covered with lights(!), with snowmen on top(!), followed by a marching band(!), my head almost exploded. Then I looked over at Luke and he was so excited that I cried.

So I guess my new interests are Luke, things that Luke likes, and spending time with Luke. Don't get me wrong, I still like hanging out with my friends, shopping, reading a good book, and cooking a nice meal, but watching your son get excited about something he really loves is just about the best thing in the world. Well that and the $25 sweater sale that I encountered this weekend at the Banana Republic Outlet, because some things never change.

The "Non-Plan" Plan

Mommy & tiny 15 minute old Quilla

When I was about 7 months pregnant, I asked my doctor "Should we start talking about the birth plan yet?"  She responded, "How about the NON-PLAN Plan? It's nice to have an idea about how you would like things to go, but we don't know how you, your body and/or your baby will handle labor."
It made sense.  How can I make a solid concrete plan for something that is so completely out of my control?  So, at 10pm on September 26, as I took the elevator to the third floor of Cedar Sinai Hospital, I gave myself over completely to destiny,  and I actually enjoyed the adventure of the next 16 hours that would lead to finally holding my daughter in my arms for the first time.

38 wks preggers

Last night Quilla woke up almost every hour to nurse.  By 6am I was beyond exhausted.  My husband, who now sees me as some sort of non-sleeping super hero, rolled over in bed and asked me "how do you do it?"  I thought about it for a second and then explained to him, "I know!  It's weird.  Functioning with this little sleep should turn me into a bear ... but regardless of how tired I am, I'm happy to wake up because our daughter needs me."  -and I meant it.

SHE NEEDS ME.  I have never had more purpose in my life than I do now.

So, I've decided that I will continue to be on the "non-plan" plan. I might sleep 2 hours tonight or I might sleep 6.  It might take me ten minutes to get to the grocery store or  2 hours because I have to pull over twice on the way to feed the baby.  I might fit in my old cloths by Christmas, but probably not because I shouldn't diet while breastfeeding.
.... and that's all OK!  cause I'm on the "non-plan" plan.