Utter Torture

A miracle happened .... And I'm not talking about the one where I conceived our second child.  No, I'm talking about the one where my 21 month old daughter finished nursing after less than 2 minutes, and then asked for her "special bed".  I would have fallen over from shock had I not been lying down.  I hugged her, told her I loved her, and then laid her down in her crib.  Quilla said "goodnight Mommy, love you" as if this was what we do every night. She is sound asleep in there now.
Hell will freeze over tonight.

So .... Yes, I am "with child" - 22 weeks to be exact. No "bun in the oven" .... This time it's a turkey.  I am due to give birth to our second precious little girl on November 22 -
Thanksgiving Day.

We finally finished the last leg of our "Texas migration" to our new home destination in Mission Texas in March.  I found out I was pregnant the day we arrived.  As I pulled in the driveway here just a few miles from the Mexican border, I thought surely this must be heaven.  Everything was so beautiful and green, and the air was saturated with the perfume of orange blossoms from the orange tree groves surrounding us.  It was gorgeous and intoxicating!   Then, just a few weeks later, I realized that this is HELL, because hell itself cannot possibly be hotter than south Texas. It has been over 100 degrees here for weeks! WITH humidity! And it doesn't cool down at night the way it does in California. I don't even remember it being this hot when I lived in Miami Beach.  I swear the pool water is warm enough to poach eggs in.

Mmmmmmm ..... Eggs.
Pregnancy cravings fully in tact.

Anyway.

With another baby due to arrive in just 18 (!) weeks, I thought it wise to start weaning Quilla, and I also started working on getting her to sleep in her own bed.  This decision was not made easily as I believe in co-sleeping and child-led weaning.  I had fully intended to nurse her  until she was at least two years old.  However, A couple weeks ago, I realized that at 20 months old she was still nursing 4 to 8 times a day, which is perfectly fine unless you also have a newborn baby that needs to nurse about 12+ times a day.  I also realized that Quilla has been a bit frustrated when nursing because of a decrease in my milk factory production.  Additionally, it has begun to feel pretty much like razor blades are slicing up the "factory outlets" as I nurse her due to all the fun sensitivities of being pregnant.  So, with a very heavy guilt-ridden heart, I began cutting back on the daytime nursing.  Cutting back in the day went easier than I had expected.  Her very busy toddler schedule and play dates with our new friends here helped tremendously.  She also recently began to sleep through the night pretty regularly, which made cutting out the 12am and 3am sessions obsolete.  After a couple weeks we were down to only nap time  and bedtime nursing...
And then Pandora's box got pried open and released into the house.
Trying to get my child to go to sleep without "boobie-time" turned her in to some sort of untamable wild animal.  No matter how much  I sang to her, rocked her, hugged & kissed her and held her, she could not be consoled.  It was awful.  We both cried.  Then I would have to nurse her anyway just to get her calmed down enough to fall asleep.  So after a few days/nights of torture, I decided that she is just not ready for this, and went back to my original plan to let her self-wean.
So, yes, it is nothing short of a miracle that my darling toddler slumbers peacefully in her crib right now after just a "sip" of milk.  I know that she understands that  the milk is "all-gone"' (until November)  and soon she will stop nursing all together.  It will be bittersweet .... Both a relief, and also a bit sad.   I will certainly miss this very special bonding time that nature has allowed me to share with her.  I'll just have to replace it with heaps of snuggles, cuddles, hugs and kisses.
Meanwhile, tonight I will sip cranberry juice from a fancy crystal wine glass and toast my small victory.