Finding your inner voice...and NOT using it!

We all know what it's like to have our kid's favorite songs or songs from a favorite TV show suck in our heads. I can't tell you how many nights I'm trying to fall asleep or write an email and the theme from Bubble Guppies or Fresh Beat Band pops into my head. Before I know it, I'm belting out preschool songs at the copy machine in the hall at work. I've given up trying to hide the dialog that is constantly playing in my head throughout the day. I sing songs in odd places and times, have full conversations with myself about what to make for dinner or if I switched the wash. Sometimes I even talk in funny voices at the most inappropriate times ... like today.

I'm in the middle of an exhausting 2 weeks of school working towards my MFA in design/illustration. My schedule since last Sunday has been up at 5am, drive 1.5 hours to my university, participate in rigorous art classes until 5pm, drive 1.5 hrs to work to catch up on things, then home, spend an hour with my kids and then work on homework until I'm too tired to see straight. It's no wonder my brain is so fried!

A perfect example of the constant inner dialog happening with the combination of being overstretched and tired happened today in one of my studio classes. A brilliant and well known artist who happens to be from the UK is teaching this particular studio. He's older and very distinguished...and very British. As he was coming around to inspect my work, he greeted me with a "hello" that was so British that it could have come from an episode of Kipper The Dog. I turned to him very abruptly and responded with an even bigger, longer and oh so British..."HELLO" (Mrs. Doubtfire style)! I realized immediately what I had done and went on describing my work very seriously trying to play off my incredibly offensive display. He left the room a few moments later and I could feel every eye in the studio on me. I looked up sheepishly trying not to laugh and said "it was an accident". My classmates exploded with laughter for a good 10 minutes.

I couldn't help myself! It came out without even thinking! As I said, I'm always doing funny voices with my kids, but this was not the time for that inner voice to creep out! I only hope that I didn't offend this person and that I can keep that voice hidden for a few more days. I'm fulling blaming my kids for this one! Haha!

Getting My Mojo Back

shoot for a Maxim calender ... pre-pregnancy

Pregnancy  takes a toll on a women's body.
My "toll" was the addition of approximately 80 pounds of baby weight over the last two years.
A couple years ago my husband and I decided to start a family. After so many years of modeling and depriving myself of any culinary indulgences, I traded in the master cleanser diet for healthy well- balanced diet of 6 small meals a day, and a good prenatal vitamin. I slowly gained about 20lbs of healthy weight over the course of a year or so, and on our 2nd anniversary in August 2009 I got pregnant.   I continued following a strict diet of only the best organic and healthy meals I could provide for my unborn child's nutrition, and continued to gain about 1 pound a week with the pregnancy.
In October I miscarried. I was devastated.  At this point I was 30 pounds heavier than I'd ever been in my life, and very depressed.  Additionally, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis which can sometimes occur after pregnancy. While my doctor was finding the correct dosage of synthetic hormone to balance my now hypo-thyroid, I gained another 10 pounds of, well, lets just call it "comfort food" weight.  Once my thyroid was stabilized and after plenty of tests and visits to a new OBGYN to insure the best chances for a better outcome, we decided to try again on December 27, 2009 and were successful!  However, I was already 40 lbs heavier than I had ever been when Quilla was conceived.  I stuck to a very strict and healthy diet throughout my pregnancy and gained a total of 43 pounds by the time my daughter was born in late September 2010.  Of course some of the weight was my baby and all the other stuff floating around with her in her bubble in my belly for 42 weeks. So, that weight came off (or out!) the day she was born, but the rest of it was mine to loose.

8 months postpartum

Since pregnancy I have slowly lost a total of 43 pounds.  The last ten of those pounds I lost in the last 2 weeks.  I have begun a healthy diet and exercise program, and I am loosing about 3 - 4 pounds a week.  I have heard that breast feeding helps you loose weight, but this was not the case for me or I would look as thin as Kate Moss during the heroin-chic phase of the 90's by now with the amount of breastmilk my sweet little girl consumes.
Now that Quilla is 9 months old and eating some solid food I finally felt confident enough that  starting a diet would not impede on her nutrition. I was so afraid that dieting would affect my milk supply, but it doesn't seem to be a problem at all!   In fact, I pumped a 6 ounce bottle of boobie milk in about 4 minutes for Quilla to enjoy on the way to Mommy & Me Yoga this morning!
Yup, the factory is still in tact.
The factory is in tact, and apparently so is my mojo!  On the 1.5 mile walk to Mommy & Me yoga this morning, I got hit on from Vine to Highland Avenue!  My walk was full of smiles, sideward glances, whistles and cat-calls.  This sort of behavior and attention used to really piss me off and annoy me a few years ago .... but today it made my day.
So, I still have another 40 pounds to loose before I am back down to what I consider an acceptable weight.  ... and yes, I realize that my idea of acceptable weight is slightly askew from years in the fashion industry, but I will strive for it anyway.  I will accomplish my quest just in time to get pregnant again and start the whole process over again. Oh well.  For now, bring on the whistles, cat-calls and inappropriate compliments.  I will revel in it while it lasts!