From the land of milk... and what is that ... that is NOT honey!

I was taking a bath to calm my nerves and doctor my body. My little dog, Belly, sat by me and she looked extra forlorn. I patted her precious head and talked to her about nothing. I laughed to myself because her “tatas” were huge- much bigger than normal. She has been eating a lot of table food lately I mused. I reached out to pinch one to tease her about how fat she was getting, and milk squirted out! Not a little bit, a lot! She’s lactating! She’s got enough to feed a litter! How can this be? She’s not pregnant. She’s never been pregnant ... she doesn’t have cancer ... how can this be?
I hopped out of my bath, got dressed and paced the house. What do I do, who do I call, and what do I tell them? Should we go to the vet? My vet is almost an hour away; is it worth loading up the kids? How much will this cost? ugh… I checked her at least 2 more times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming this up. The kids were quiet enough, so I looked it up. I found out she had a false pregnancy and she was lactating. I had to check her for a fever and keep on eye on her to make sure she didn’t get mastitis. Ok, I can do this. After a few days she/they got bigger and hotter. If she could have talked I’m sure she would have said “Mommy, I will be there for you through thick and thin and I’ll even feed the little ones if you’d just give me a chance.” LOL! It looked painful. I tried ice. I tried hot baths. I considered a breast pump. I mused about lending her to a rescue with a litter in need. She was so uncomfortable. She lay on the couch, not moving, panting, dripping, and miserable. She still didn’t have a fever, but I couldn’t leave my best girl hanging. 
I did what had to be done.
She’s ok now. Milk dried up, no worse for the wear, and we are closer than ever!